Pretty Richy Beauty System

Why hello, friends. Over the past sixty years people have been asking me about my beauty regimen. Until now I've kept all of this a secret, but now, with my 60-day no-risk trial offer of the Pretty Richy Beauty System, you too can look flawless, even on a remote island immersed in an ultimate battle between good and evil (or evil and evil, depending on how you look at it). But I divert...
With the Pretty Richy trial offer you will get:

• double black, extra plumping, 12x magnifying mascara



• super-black guy liner made from LOST island coal (excavated from a mine 1000 feet below the orchid station)



• Wrinkle reducing mud mask made from south Pacific super-smoothing mud



• Exfoliating scrub made from ground crab and other mystery crustacian shells (all shells come from creepy crawlies we've pulled off of dead bodies left to rot on the LOST beach)



• Calming night cream made from a mixture of Dharma quality mayonaise and that stuff they injected into Claire when she was pregnant (hey, if it works for fetuses, why not grown metrosexuals?)



• Dharma quality tweezers and eyebrow stencils for perfectly sculpted eyebrows



• Elixer of life; this bonus supplement is made from a secret blend of vitamins, herbs, and other homeopathic substances found around the island

And, if you order before the island moves through time or space again, we'll throw in an Aljira survivor tote bag to store all of the products. The Pretty Richy Beauty System is what every manly girly-man needs to keep pretty. We don't have a use for money or credit on the LOST island, so our new low price of your immortal soul is all it takes to get you started! Call or click (or send a signal through the lighthouse) today!

Thank you and god speed!